Speaking of your father, how has your lack of a relationship with him informed your portrayal of Fiona, whose dad is a deadbeat? It initially made me want a relationship with my father more but I realized that’s not possible. He’s not interested in that. Whether or not I was ready to face that, I had to. I definitely have feelings of abandonment and self-protection over that, and Fiona does, too. Her feelings toward her mom are probably closer to my feelings toward my dad because her mom is MIA and my dad is MIA. We have that childish hope that somebody who doesn’t care about you suddenly will.
You know what I want? Not to win the lottery or go on vacation to the Caribbean. I want normal people problems. Like, am I getting enough fiber? Why did my friend say that insensitive thing about my weight?
Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail, and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but refuse. They cling to the realm, or love, or the gods…illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is. But they’ll never know this. Not until it’s too late.